you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Randomize
