YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
