im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
