While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
