just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
