i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
