I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I will pee on everything he values.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
