Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
