i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
