I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
