i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
