Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
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