So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
