I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
