WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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