how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
