he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
