just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
