He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
