Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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