he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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