Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
