it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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