I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
