I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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