Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Life is so much better after having sex.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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