Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
