It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I stole a fireplace last night.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
