Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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