and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
