Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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