This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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