Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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