Swine flu. Run for my life!
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize