I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
