it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
