Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
