C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
