he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
