dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Randomize
