Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
it was like eating out sand paper
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
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