You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
