Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
