No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
