I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
