Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
The air taste purple.
Randomize
