Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
