Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
