So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
