How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
