"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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