He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
