I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
