dude i'm inner monologue high
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Randomize
