And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
