1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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