the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Never underestimate the power of titties
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