too bad you live with your parents still
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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